Moon People: The Toots

Eerie, majestic and ever so still, you’d be right to think nothing lives on Crater 19. Nothing does. But underneath the Crater, you’ll find the Toots.

Toots sound like damaged trumpets but look nothing like them. They are about the size of a golf-ball and spend their day rolling about giggling.

Toots have two brains but they only use one of them. Their dormant brain is only roused from its deep sleep unless there is an emergency. Crater 19 has never had an emergency so we don’t know what these second brains are capable of.

Toots are obsessed with cleaning wheels, collecting jars of enthusiasm and sabotaging cryptic crosswords. They don’t like rotten apples, snakes in the grass or a spanner in the works.

These bite-sized enigmas limit themselves to speaking no more than 100 words a day. Why? Well, Toots like to economise and so instead of using ten words, they’ll use just one if one word will suffice. They also like storing their words away for a rainy day. So if Toots only speak 20 words in a day then they can save the other 80 words they haven’t used and stockpile them. Words hoarded over the year can then be spoken at the Festival of Jibber-Jabber where Toots will chatter non-stop all day until they collapse or need the toilet.

Toots only get one day off a year. This isn’t as bad as it sounds because Toots don’t actually work. Toots love taking photographs but they aren’t very good at it. Their fingertips get in the way or they leave the lens cap on a lot.

If you gently squeeze the hand of a Toot then they will punch you quite hard on the nose so we recommend you don’t do it.

Remember to never get in a conversation with a Toot about kites. They hate them.