20 Things Not To Miss On The Moon
If you are ever lucky enough to visit the Moon then there is plenty to see and do. Obviously if you are only there for a few days then it’s not possible to see everything the Moon has to offer so you’ll have to cherry-pick and go with what feels right.
What follows is a selection of the Moon’s best bits as voted for by Earth visitors last year.
1. The Scorpion Tail Bridge
This wonderful curling bridge has been the main link between the Zodiac Mountain of Zone 2 and the Twisted Matrix Mountain of Zone 3 for over 50 years. The 1,800m bridge curls like a scorpion’s tail to form a pulsating blue octagon three times a day to allow Moon giraffes to pass along the River Blink. As it uncurls it shots fireworks from its joints. The floor is liquid glass and walking from one side to the other requires nerves of steel.
2. The Splat
The Moon’s chief gallery of modern art housed in a stunning 800 story cloud breaking building – The Splat. Every floor is packed with art from across the solar system where you can see the famous spiral sculptings from Jupiter, the hourglass nebula illusions from Neptune, and Spitzer drawings from Venus. Head for Zone 55.
3. The Speaking Stones of Taurus
500 triangular marble stones levitate 3m off the ground in a 500m circle on an island in the middle of Lake Buzz in Zone 11. Carved into each stone is a 500 word message, each one written in a different alphabet to the other. At night the stones change colours and take turns to read their messages one by one. When all the stones have spoken they hum together for about 20 minutes and then fall silent until the next night. No one knows why they do this despite over 1,000 years of studying them.
4. The Listening Mirror
If you visit the Copper Palace in Zone 50 be sure to find the Magna-Soda Pool. Above this vast swimming pool hangs an Earth mirror. Climb into the pool, lay back and you will be able to see and hear everything on Earth. Simply name a place or person and you will see and hear as if you were there. Advance reservations are essential.
5. The Lucian Tower
This is the surrealist place you will have ever visited. The Lucian Tower is a 800m cobalt tube covered in eyeballs and long hair. The hair goes from top to bottom and when the wind blows it reveals its eyeballs. The inside of the tube contains dissolving walls, swallowing floors, and rotating rooms full of the weird and wonderful. Check out the gift shop. The Lucian Tower is in Zone 215.
6. The Waters of Artemis
The Collins Crater is the largest on the Moon and it is filled with a purple water. Here you can watch Baboons walk on the surface of these lovely still waters singing to themselves and each other. This is also the place to have a go at pole sitting and competing against one of the locals. Bring a towel to Zone 98!
7. Headless
This amazing shop is the place to laugh your head off. Every conceivable funny item that has ever been invented is here for your enjoyment. Try on thousands of masks, costumes and wigs and learn practical jokes galore from highly skilled and amusing staff. Head off for Street 26, Zone 4 and follow the zig-zag lines.
8. The Kooky Gardens
The small town of Mulchy, halfway between Loop and Lippy, is home to the Kooky Gardens, the largest talking flower garden in the solar system. Tour the 500 acre site and talk to the plants. They have an opinion on everything, they are pleasant to look at and they will smell you if you get close enough! Kooky flowers can be picked if you ask them nicely but many prefer not to be. Watch out for the flowers having mock arguments every Sunday between 2pm and 4pm.
9. The Mush Bend
Take a Moon boat trip along the River Grittle in Zone 41 and you will eventually reach the famous Mush Bend, a curve overlooked by 20 statues of our most famous people including Gutrot Sipper, MooMoo D’Wink and Pootlewack Hopton. Watch them watching you and see if you can make them smile before they can make you jump.
10. The Spinning Plate of the North
Located in the Northern Ceiling is a spinning titanium plate the size of a football centre circle that floats about 20m above a small pool of golden-brown fog. The plate spins continuously and every hour gives out three flashes and turns itself inside out. Hundreds of sparkling dust particles escape and climb high into the atmosphere.
11. The Laughing Stalactites of Cave Nebra
Climb deep into the Moon 7km below the surface and take a tour through a 40 acre awe-inspiring cave containing thousands of laughing luminous stalactites, some as big as 15m. Not a place for the faint-hearted as the echoes of laughs from distant stalactites can be unnerving and the cavern is bathed in an eerie blue glow which the stalactites produce. Tickets to Zone 300 have to be pre-booked.
12. The Diamond Volcano
Located in Zone 79 you will find the Moon’s largest volcano. This last erupted 25 years ago and we wait with baited breath for its next awakening. This is the only volcano in the solar system to spew diamonds when it loses its temper. Nearly 20 million carats were collected last time and some were even blown as far as Zone 56.
13. Mount Draw
Nestled in the lap of snow-capped Moon ranges and silver valleys of Zone 28 is Mount Draw, a place where things move uphill and defy gravity. Stand at the foot of Mount Draw and watch streams move uphill. Place marbles on the ground and watch them slowly climb the slopes and bounce into the distance. Park your Moon Bubble and see that set off too. This is the place where you will find yourself being drawn to the top so bring your walking boots.
14. The Skies of Dreams
In the remote Moon lands of Zone 1 you will find little on the ground but Moon dust. Look up though and you will see giant rotating rainbow cylinders that reach into space. These magical tubes of colour stand proud like pillars holding up the universe. Lay on the ground and let your dreams wash over you.
15. Humming Town of Ronhoo
There is a small town in Zone 143 called Ronhoo that hums. No one can locate the source of this low frequency humming noise but it is there. See if you can find out where it is coming from! Spend the night here and watch the Moonbows dance in the sky and listen to the mysterious dull, explosive sounds of cannon fire they produce.
16. The Dancing Tornadoes of Luna 2
The Luna 2 Sea is an enormous body of water located in between Zones 34,35 and 36. From the coastline you can witness amazing sand storm tornadoes that dance on the surface of the sea. The tornadoes measure 10m in height and are too difficult to count. They have never been known to hit land. Boat trips are forbidden.
17. The Guri Graveyards
Located on the site of the first Mars rocket to hit the Moon, Guri is the eerie graveyrad home to thousands of red bones. No one can explain why there are so many or why they are strewn so far and wide but they are a sight to behold. The bones have never been disturbed and visitors are not permitted to take photographs. Zone 227.
18. The Mirror Mirages of Mixy
Mixy is a coastal town in Zone 8. Here you can see, if your eyes will let you, mirror mirages of castle cities. The mirages appear on the surface of the water, upside down in the air and underwater. They disappear if you approach them but if you keep your distance then you can marvel at these futuristic cities and their amazing castles. Children are not allowed to participate in the underwater visits.
19. The Moon-Ogler
The Moon-Ogler is the Moon’s infrared telescope and it is our eye into space. The Moon-Ogler has been able to see spinning ring galaxies, ghost galaxies, yellow hole storms, and the Zip solar system with its amazing 12 suns. Thanks to the Moon-Ogler we now know that there are multiple universes each with their own separate histories and futures. Zone 0, Street 1.
20. The Moonglow
After all this sight-seeing then it’s time for a rest and what better place than Cafe Moonglow, a large, buzzing meeting place at the back of the Fishbowl library. The Moonglow offers fresh lunar food, amazing Moonshakes, and the best chimney cakes you have ever seen. You will find that the waiting staff are rude and will shout at you but don’t be offended because this is done on purpose and is part of the attraction. This is the coolest place on the Moon to spend a few hours people watching. Moon cafes come in all shapes and sizes but this one takes the biscuit. Zone 0, Street 2.
This is an extract from Moon People by John Dabell
