Happiness has never been ‘out there’.
It’s always been ‘in here’.
Yet, so many of us go looking all over the place for it on some sort of misguided global treasure hunt where X doesn’t mark the spot.
The reality is, the happiness treasure we are desperately seeking is located right inside us. That’s where we need to start digging.
Sonja Lyubomirsky explains that our happiness can be attributed to the following: 50% heredity, 10% life circumstances, and 40% intentional activity. If this is scientifically valid (and there are doubts) then that’s a big chunk of the pie we can control. It could be much more than that and I would argue it is.
Happiness is the ultimate do-it-yourself project. Happiness is a self-construct. It’s created by you and you are the one who has to do the work.
It’s not a question of unlocking it and there is no secret code we need to punch into our mindset to release it.
The happiness house has to be built and we’ve all got the tools to construct it – it’s just knowing what to do with them. For example, you don’t cut when you need to measure and you don’t hammer when you need to saw.
We start by digging the foundations and that involves clearing away all the rubbish and debris. You probably have quite a lot of that so skip to it. Happiness is not built on refuse.
The mental framework you choose is the all-important psychological scaffolding but this can’t just be thrown up anyhow. This is a skilled job and requires some serious thought. It’s your health and safety at stake at the end of the day!
And then the real building can begin.
This is where you come into your own. As an author optimist, you write your own narrative, construct your own hope, and self-edit your own positivity.
You write your own scripts and make your happiness a reality by working at it and working to make it better. This is effortful work.
You realise that what you are constructing will require plenty of upkeep and daily maintenance. This is a DIY project that is for life.
You draft, compose, censor, delete, underline, gloss over, publish and unpublish. The pages don’t write themselves, you do.
Happiness is not a single way of being but a series of adventures you craft, create and curate. What we know for sure, happiness does not fall from the sky.
What we can conclude is that sustainable gains in happiness can be achieved by changing our actions, not our circumstances. It’s worth pointing out too that happiness is also one of several components constituting subjective well-being.
Yes, you can go on experiences that promise happiness but it isn’t the experience that gives it to you, you paint that by yourself. Happiness is an art.
P.S.
If happiness is eluding you, then remember the old saying: it is better to be an unhappy Socrates than a happy pig.