Cancer And Arugamama

There is only so much of our lives we can actually control.

Why is it then we waste so much time and effort trying to control what actually can’t be controlled?

If we accept certain things for what they are, i.e. out of our control, then life might not be so much of a battle and struggle.

There is a word for this acknowledgement of ‘what is’ and state of acceptance and it is ‘arugamama’. It’s a way of accepting things as they are.

Developed by Japanese psychiatrist Shoma Morita, arugamama teaches us to just focus on what we can influence, not what we can’t. Trying to have any bearing on external conditions won’t get us anywhere other than worked up.

Arugamama is acceptance of life as it is.

With cancer, there is a lot that is completely out of our control. There are also things that we do have control over.

For example, depending on the type of treatment you are undergoing, you still have control over particular routines and you can still make particular choices that are right for you. You can go out for that walk. You could perhaps go the shops. You can decide to take that nap.

What you can’t control are the waiting times at hospital or the traffic en route there or the bad weather as you sit in a tailback. Getting upset over anything like this is only going to add to your stress.

Being the strong-willed people we are, we are consistently try to control the external conditions of life. That is pretty pointless but we still do it anyway.

Learning to accept that life cannot always be the way we want it to be is a hard lesson to grasp. Some of us are still trying to change things that cannot be changed.

Although acceptance is a far more realistic and kinder approach to life, we still persist.

But if we can accept what we can’t manipulate, this frees us up to pour our energies into other things.

Cancer is something we want to control. Actually we want to destroy it.

But that is largely down to our oncologist and the treatment. It’s also down to evolution and we can’t really control that.

Cancer is one dimension of what we are facing.

The challenge is to coexist with the feelings we experience and still live fully. We can ask two questions:

1. How can we adapt ourselves to the conditions that exist?
2. What are the factors that support good health and wellbeing that we can control?

What we have is what we have. It is what it is. I know, it’s a thought terminating cliché.

But this isn’t about passive acceptance. We can still be active within this state of acceptance. There’s plenty we can still do though and if it’s things within our control then we should go ahead and do them.

We can influence and foster positive health outcomes, take control of a better quality of life, take charge of a greater wellbeing, and enjoy enhanced overall health.

You have control. But only a bit.