When you are told you have cancer, whether early stage, late stage or somewhere in between, what do you do?
When you are having treatment or you have finished treatment, how do you play it?
‘Doing’ cancer is not easy.
We don’t plan for something like this so it’s little wonder we are all at sea.
How we ‘do’ cancer is up to us.
Unfortunately, not everyone will agree how we do it. They might tut, sigh or shake their heads. They might be very offended.
Take Catherine, Princess of Wales. She recently gave a health update and the reactions have been ‘interesting’.
The way she is managing her cancer experience has been forensically examined, applauded, celebrated, lambasted and reviled.
Kensington Palace released a highly personal video that showed Catherine, Prince William and their children in Norfolk sharing valuable family time together. The video comes with an intimate first-person narration by Catherine who talks about finishing her chemotherapy and what having cancer has meant to her.
The video has divided opinion. Some have come out in full support whereas others have been highly critical, scathing and angry. Some have even dissected the ‘Netflix-style’ video for ‘hidden messages’.
The point is, the way Catherine has done it is down to her. That’s her business and it isn’t for anyone else to say what she should have done ‘instead’. It’s her narrative, it’s her body, it’s her life.
I ‘do’ cancer my way. It might not be your way if you already have cancer, and it might not be the way you’d do it if you imagined you had cancer but are otherwise healthy.
Our personal cancer stories and experiences are relevant to others and they can be inspiring but at what point do they become the possession of others whereby they think they can control the narrative on their terms?
If you want to ‘do’ cancer by wing-walking, bungee jumping or sitting on a nice comfy sofa watching TV all day, that’s your choice and if that offends others then so be it. The way we ‘do’ cancer is highly dependent on individual preferences and characteristics.
Famous people can never win. Their experiences will always be scrutinised and hijacked by others with some pretty odd and extreme agendas. But the ordinary and obscure among us also get the same treatment on occasions.
Ill-health is multidimensional and our responses to it are complex and complicated. What works for me, won’t necessarily work for you and your worldview. Then again, it might and that’s not a bad thing. Strategies and experiences are highly individual and divergent.
When I set about trying to make sense of being told about my incurable cancer, I didn’t access websites or turn to anyone in particular to help guide me. I didn’t look to other cancer survivors or books, I sort of found my own way and what I was comfortable with.
We do what we do on our own terms. If that doesn’t meet with someone’s approval, then that’s not something we should feel guilty about.
How do you ‘do’?
Do cancer according on your own terms and conditions. Don’t let anyone who hasn’t been in your shoes tell you how to tie your shoelaces.
If you don’t like the way someone else does cancer, switch channels, leave them alone and focus on your own battles. Stick to one’s knitting, keep your nose out of it, paddle your own canoe, MYOGB!