Getting an incurable cancer diagnosis might just nudge you towards creating a bucket list.
And why not? Before kicking the bucket, it makes perfect sense to fill the bucket with stuff.
There are probably loads of things you want to do and get done and there’s no time like the present.
The thing is, why haven’t you done it before now?
You’ve had plenty of time to go and do all this so what’s been holding you back?
In my case, money. Pure and simple.
Most of the things I’d like to do involve travelling the world and that just costs an arm and a leg.
There is of course another option and that’s called the anti-bucket list.
Not only can this can help to alleviate the pressure of constantly feeling like you need to be flinging yourself out of a plane, bungee jumping or diving with whale sharks but it helps you make the most of your time.
Don’t get me wrong, a bucket list works for some people going through the sh*tshow of cancer because it allows them to focus on what’s really important to them. For some folks, a bucket list is what keeps them motivated day after day. And that’s fine, there is no rulebook.
But we shouldn’t feel like we are expected to do one because our expiry date has been brought forward.
The thing is, as Kate Bowler (2019) said,
A bucket list disguises a dark question as a challenge: What do you want to do before you die? We all want, in the words of Henry David Thoreau, “to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.” But is the answer to that desire a set of experiences? Should we really focus on how many moments we can collect?
She’s right and there’s a whole industry out there devoted to making money out of experiences.
A bucket list can be draining, tiring and overwhelming because it’s all about beating the clock and getting through a list before it’s too late! When will I have time to go to the Co-op to get my shopping?!
That’s a funny way of living.
There is another way and that’s the reverse bucket list aka the anti-bucket list.
There are three anti-bucket philosophies to choose from.
One version of the the anti-bucket list involves focusing on what it is you don’t want to do or experience. For example, going volcano boarding in Nicaragua, visiting North Korea or free climbing the Burj Khalifa tower in Dubai, are not on my hit list.
Another way to look at it is making a list of things you would like to avoid at all costs.
That sounds quite negative but isn’t because it’s about realising what it is you aren’t going to waste your precious time on anymore including things like toxic relationships, deleting social media, worrying about things you can’t control, doing your own plumbing, eating a tin of Surströmming, supporting a rubbish football team etc.
In another version, the focus isn’t about ‘101 things to do before you die’ but changing the narrative to ‘101 things to do when you survive’. This stretches to filling your bucket list with actually achievable goals rather than ones that will bankrupt you in the process.
That’s more positive because there is an outside chance you can beat the odds and there is plenty you can still do that doesn’t involve creating a GoFundMe page.
Then there is the anti-bucket list which is actually anti-aspirational and you fill it with all the things you’ve actually done and the places you’ve gone.
This is more positive too because it’s looking back at all the things that you’ve achieved and removes any guilt about all the thousands of things you haven’t done.
The thing is, even if we could all live to 100, there wouldn’t be enough time to do even a fraction of what this great world has to offer.
With an anti-bucket list, the same condition still applies – every moment counts.
Why pressure ourselves to go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans when we can have our own personal Mardi Gras party?!
You don’t have to kiss a dolphin, wrestle an alligator (although that might not end well), go to a nudist beach, go spelunking or Edge Walk a the CN Tower.
I’m not doing a bucket list as the last bucket I bought had a hole in it and everything leaked out anyway.
The only thing we need to do is feel less embarrassed about wearing our superhero underwear in public.
I turned 60 three days ago and created 60 Things for 60 Years list BUT, while it is a bucket list of sorts, most of what I have written are small things, and no given time to get them ‘ done ” by because, as your articulate blog said, why put yourself under this pressure?.
I think you are spot on with what you suggest here, especially writing the things that you have already done and acknowledging those.
Like you, lack of money has prevented me from travelling and I’m trying to rectify that now alittle as one pension now wings its way to me. However, walking is still my favourite pass time.
Thank you Helen. It’s the little things we can focus on that probably amount to a whole lot more. I hope you can travel a bit if you get the chance!