Cancer sure is an alphabet spaghetti but we can at least try to put it into some sort of order.
You may have read my ABCs Of Cancer – Part One and if you did, thank you!
Here’s Part Two of Five that I have written.
There are lots of variations and I’m sure you have your own but here’s some more of mine to be getting on with.
A is for attitude. The number one factor in deciding how you experience cancer. Attitude with a capital A helps especially when combined with gratitude. When you get your attitude right, then everything will be right even if things are wrong!
If each letter of the alphabet is assigned a percentage, e.g. A = 1%, B = 2% then when you add up the % for each letter in the word A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E, it adds up to 100%!
A = 1%
T = 20%
T = 20%
I = 9%
T = 20%
U = 21%
D = 4%
E = 5%
100% ATTITUDE
B is for body image. You might not look the same after surgery and cancer treatment will mess with you and certainly your vanity. Embrace the scars and be proud you are a survivor. I can’t change the way I look but maybe you can change how you see me.
C is for can-do. Cancer would like you to use the word can’t a lot. But a canny catalyst of can-do does the can-can not the can’t can’t. Get rid of that lousy apostrophe and the ill-mannered letter ‘t’ and start swigging from a can of ‘can’ juice.
D is for (dis)ability. The deficit model of cancer talks about all the things you can’t do. It is a narrative that is overwhelmingly negative and colours the perceptions and attitudes of others. It stigmatises your identity. The asset model of cancer talks about what we can do, our strengths, our contributions, our ambitions and our potential. It seeks to put us in control. I’m not disabled, I’m mislabelled.
E is for empathy. We can’t expect others to understand our cancer experience and what we are going through by ‘walking in my shoes’ – that’s unrealistic. But they can show concern, value us, care and include us in their circle of concern.
F is for find-a-way. I guarantee you will hit obstacles, some big, some small and some ugly. Like water, a liquid optimist will always find a way no matter what the obstacle. We have to adapt and learn to flow in a different way.
G is for graft. Cancer is a full-time job and requires a lot of daily graft to keep going. Cancer is the hardest you will ever have to work in your life.
H is for happiness. Can you really be happy with an incurable cancer diagnosis? Yes, you can and you don’t have to go to the Maldives to experience it! Happiness can be found in the ordinary, everyday and unexceptional. It’s right in front of you.
I is for ignore. You will be bombarded on social media by pushers and pedlars of cancer miracles and boondoggles. Ignore these cuckoo ‘cures’, myths and projects – block the snake oil salesmen, swindlers and hucksters.
J is for justify. You don’t need a permission slip to voice your emotions or justify how you feel. If you want to swear then swear. If you want to dance then dance. This is your experience and your narrative and you are under no obligation to rationalise how you react to cancer.
K is for kick. Whether you say ‘kick-ass’ or ‘kick arse’, the intention is the same: take no prisoners. Cancer will boss you around and make you feel highly vulnerable but we can’t give in to bullies and sometimes we do just have to fight back.
L is for leadership. We all need someone to fight our corner, especially when we are vulnerable. We need someone to champion our cause, listen, challenge decisions and stand up for our best interests. Sometimes, that champion is you and you have to lead the way.
M is for monster. Hugging the Monster is accepting what has happened to you and carrying on with a positive mindset which means enduring, working hard and abandoning the idea of giving up. This is about the experience, being committed, persevering (sisu), focusing, showing determination and bouncing back.
N is for no. Cancer is no picnic and it might seem like there aren’t any caviar and champagne moments. But being alive is the best caviar and champagne moment any of us will ever get.
O is for oppositional. Resistance is essential to our survival. It isn’t futile, it’s oppositional courage with intellect and attitude. It’s the ultimate in self-preservation. It’s down to us to create a legacy of subversion and defiance.
P is for plot twist. No one knows what will happen to you and any predictions medics make are guesstimates. You can beat the odds, be the statistical outlier and the patient to raise eyebrows.
Q is for queue. You will spend a lot of time in one of these and will very rarely be seen on time whenever you have a medical appointment. Queues are designed to test your patience and how you behave whilst waiting will is key. Take a book, a newspaper, a magazine and your phone. You will need them all to survive.
R is for research. Patient, know thyself by actively researching your own disease. Find out about it, ask questions, prod and poke, challenge and self-advocate.
S is for sword. Cancer is very much a case of ‘vivet in ore gladii’ or ‘living on the edge of a sword’. At the same time, we all have the sword of Damocles dangling menacingly above us.
T is for timeline. Avoid comparing your cancer timeline to others. We are all different and no two patients will follow the same trajectory. It’s a dangerous game to play.
U is for ultimate. Cancer is the ultimate Bond villain. But that’s okay, the cancer experience naturally makes you a Double OO with a licence to kill. You are an ‘Out and Out’ force to be reckoned with. You have Out and Out determination, ‘OO’ Courage and ‘OO’ Resilience.
V is for vulnerable. Cancer makes you vulnerable. But vulnerability is also strength because it is the threshold to a mental fortitude that dynamite wouldn’t be able to breach.
W is for weight. Incurable cancer. Think you can handle the weight of the badge? It’s heavy, very heavy. The badge comes with great responsibility, being a role model for hope and optimism, living with grace and creating a lasting legacy. It takes daily grind, daily guts and daily resolve like no other challenge you’ve ever had and you can’t buckle.
X is for eXperience. Life is an experience, hope is an insperience. The two work pretty well together when things get prickly.
Y is for yield. Don’t you dare though! You will never beat someone who refuses to yield. Be the one who never gives in.
Z is for zippiness. You might find that your zip-a-dee-doo-dah goes into hiding during and after treatment but the great news, it does come out to play again, although it might just need some gentle coaxing.